Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
