Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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