He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
