i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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