Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
