he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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