I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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