The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
