I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
