If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
