Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
