I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
