I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
