i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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