i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
