My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
