I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
