I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
