Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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