did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
pray to the hookup gods
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
