i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize