Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
