**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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