couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
