I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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