i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
