finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
