I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Pants are for mortals
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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