There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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