We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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