Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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