Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
