I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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