it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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