I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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