At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
