420 ftw
After last night, I could never be a politician.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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