I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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