Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize