When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
