I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
