I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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