Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
