Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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