I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
