Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
