I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
