I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
