I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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