omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
