do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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