All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
