Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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