The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
