do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
