Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
