Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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