Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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