I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
