i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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