Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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