Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
