whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
