At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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