I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
