just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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