I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
