Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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