you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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