well you can't waste a boner
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
