How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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