I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
