There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
