i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
