I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
