tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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