I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You know, be my cock's hype man.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
