i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
