I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
