I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
