benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
