Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
