I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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