Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
