hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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