Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
