is your mom at the bar?
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
