I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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