i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
