I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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