I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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