Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
