She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
