I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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