Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
