Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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