dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
