Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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