i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
