I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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