Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
