How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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