Where is the hickey?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
