the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize