I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The best revenge is premature balding
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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