is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
