I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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