she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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