I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
