If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
