hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
