my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
