I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
