Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
