Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize